Happiness and Saying No

Happiness and saying no often go together, especially for endurance runners and walkers.

Let me explain.

Saying no is an expression of a decision. “To cut away” is the essential meaning of the verb decide. Cutting away other options in favor of a particular option is a decluttering or simplifying act. And less clutter (more simplicity) almost always means more happiness.

I use the word clutter to refer to anything that takes you away from clarity and toward more stress. And you can always use more clarity and less stress when it comes to your endurance training and racing.

Clutter and Stress

Your endurance training and racing can easily become cluttered and more stressful.

• A running or walking buddy tells you about an upcoming race. You sign up for it so as not to disappoint him or her, even though you know that you have other activities or goals that weekend, too.
• A friend asks you to run or walk with him in the evening. You agree, even though you hate to work out in the evening.
• A salesperson at a specialty retailer encourages you to buy seven pairs of wicking socks. You buy them, even though you always run or walk only four or five days a week and always launder your clothes at least once a week.
• Someone in a publisher’s booth at a marathon expo gets you to sign up for a subscription to its printed magazine, even though you long ago went digital with all of your magazine subscriptions.
• The head coach in your group training program asks you to be an assistant coach for the upcoming season. You are flattered to be asked, and you agree, even though you know that other obligations will prevent you from giving 100% to the role.

Did you see a pattern in these examples? It’s about …

Clarity and Boundaries

WHEN you are … clear about your values … clear about your priorities … clear about your goals … clear about how you like to structure your day-to-day activities … clear about your inherent worthiness … clear about your power to say no … clear about your obligation first and foremost to YOU …  and clear about your happiness …

THAT is when you will set boundaries to … things that conflict with your values … things that conflict with your priorities … things that conflict with your goals … things that conflict with your ideal day … things that conflict with your sense of worthiness … things that conflict with putting YOU first … and things that conflict with your happiness.

And setting boundaries is about …

Saying No

I was fortunate to be reared by parents who taught me that I could have anything, do anything, and be whatever I desired. But, either my parents omitted the corollary to this lesson, or I “didn’t get the memo” and missed the corollary, which I did not truly grasp until I was in my early 30s:

I cannot have everything, do everything, and be all that I desire.

It simply is impossible. Our lives our finite, and we must make decisions.

• Sometimes we must decide whether to put a child’s or grandchild’s Saturday-morning birthday party first or to race in a marathon that morning.
• Sometimes we must decide whether to work out when it’s best for our minds and bodies or to sacrifice them for the sake of spending time with a friend.
• Sometimes we must decide whether to buy just the number of pairs of socks that we need for a week or to buy a larger number so that we can get a deeper discount.
• Sometimes we must decide whether to forego all printed subscriptions to magazines or to get one printed subscription —  to our favorite magazine about running or walking.
• Sometimes we must decide to turn down an assistant-coaching position or to take the position for the good of the group training program.

In other words, we must learn to say no … and then say it according to our boundaries.

Learning to Say No

I’m not saying that it is always easy to say no. But I am saying that knowing how to say no is as crucial as any other factor to your happiness as an endurance runner or walker.

I have in mind a technique for learning to say no that I may eventually share here.

But first I would love to hear from you.

• How do you say no when a running or walking buddy invites you to join him or her in an upcoming race that conflicts with your desires?
• How do you say no when a friend invites you to work out together at a time of day that you KNOW is bad for you?
• How do you say no when a bulk purchase with a deep discount would lead to an overstuffed drawer or closet?
• How do you say no when someone offers you a product, service, or subscription that no longer matches your ideal lifestyle?
• How do you say no when a flattering invitation to volunteer does not match your ability to give 100% to the effort?

Please leave a comment below with your answers to any or all of these questions or to any other scenarios in which you should say no, telling fellow endurance runners and walkers what YOU do — especially if you do it graciously, gracefully, and gratefully.

I’m sure that we could all benefit from your advice!